Technobabble
by Aithilin
Summary: A short drabble written a while ago during some computer problems. I am horrible computerilliterate...


**Techno-babble**

_**Aithilin**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CATS or the characters. I only own my interpretations of them, and my anger at the computer era. And I do recognize the irony of hating my computer while using it to write and post this.

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"What the hell is that on my desk?"

"It's a computer, sir." Mungojerrie grinned, not only pleased with himself, but obviously proud of the sleek black and silver rectangle set on the mahogany desk. The flickering bulb hanging from the ceiling caused the brand name to shimmer as the tiger-striped tabby opened up the laptop to show it off. "One of the best there is, in fact."

On the other hand, Macavity looked far less impressed with the piece of technology taking up space in his office. "Why is it on my desk?"

"Well, Teazer and I managed to lift one from this rich bird's house and thought you could use it. Kind of a boss-appreciation gift, y'know?" The younger cat pressed a round button on the side of the computer and practically purred as the thing hummed to life with an infectious, cheery melody to sound its revival. "It's got all these neat-"

"Get rid of it."

Mungojerrie pouted at the interruption, intent on having his offering appreciated. After all, what respected businessman, or cat, did not have access to all the wonders of the computer age? "Aw, c'mon. It'll be great, boss. You can run your whole operation from here."

"I already do." The ginger tom crossed his arms over his chest as he silently debated his options: burn Mungojerrie to a crisp and lose some substantial profits, or put up with the younger cat's ramblings. Really, he was tempted towards the former.

"Well, you can track all your business records and accounts in this." There was a series of obnoxious clicks from the machine as the cat tried to manoeuvre the touch-pad mouse to a number of folder-shaped icons. Spreadsheets and calculations appeared on the screen, all blank and ready to be filled. Delighted, Mungojerrie typed in some imagined figures to show how it worked, babbling all the while.

"I already have a system." Macavity interjected and indicated his filing cabinet, neatly organized and tucked away, just waiting for use.

Mungojerrie tried another tactic and pressed an icon to open a page that displayed a shipping agency. "You can organize shipments under a pseudonym from over seas."

"I already do that." Again, Macavity indicated his address books, stationary, and pile of bank statements (opened long-distance through stolen identification numbers and forged certificates of citizenship), all neatly organized and piled on his desk.

"It'll be faster."

"I don't need things to be faster." The ginger tom was getting irritated now, and he glared at the plastic monstrosity that took up far too much space on his desk. Now he would have to resettle everything once the tiger-striped tabby was properly mutilated.

"C'mon! You need to upgrade sometime, boss."

"Mungojerrie," Macavity's patient tone was a thin covering for a far more sinister one; "Get off my desk, and out of my office. Take that heap with you. I don't care what you do with it, just get **out**."

The younger tom was obviously upset about the rejection. "But this is something great. It's fast, effective, doesn't have a paper trail… You don't even need to do the math yourself!"

That was it, now, Macavity was in no mood to humour one of his best thieves. With fluid grace, he jumped up to the desktop and gripped the younger cat by the throat. "Listen closely, kitten. You have just suggested that I am lazy. For that, I should gut you, and send your dear sister the cleaning bill. Then, I should either hang you over the river, or send you to the junkyard in pieces.

"However, because you are such a good thief, I will merely have your wages cut, and have you lashed." Macavity tossed the thief towards the door as if he was nothing, a short burst of metaphysical energy ensuring that the other was far enough away from him to be out of his way. "Report to Apophis, on your way out. And do tell him the truth, or I **will** gut you. Understand?"

Mungojerrie nodded and scurried out, rubbing his throat- the door slammed behind him, sending him to stumble a few steps in surprise. With the thief gone, Macavity turned to consider the computer and the amount of space it occupied.

"How did it go?" Rumpelteazer had waited for Mungojerrie outside of the office. She had tried to warn him earlier that the ginger conjurer was too set in his ways to be swayed by the same flash and shiny objects the humans so loved.

"I have to report to Apophis."

"I told you he wouldn't like it."

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe if he just got used to it, he'd keep it. It really is a good machine."

The door creaked open a tad and both cats looked up to see Macavity take a place in the opening. "You may want to move."

The two thieves had only a moment to take a few steps before a large, twisted and smouldering chunk of plastic and circuitry landed where they had been standing a second before. They looked from the charred remains of the computer to the now-satisfied ginger conjurer.

"It took up too much space for a paperweight." Macavity said before he disappeared back into his office.


End file.
